For the past couple of years, I have read a Christian blog written by twin sisters called BlueTuesdayBlog. The blog gave weekly inspirational messages, always published on Tuesdays that relayed real life experiences along with the guidance offered in the Bible. This blog gave me inspiration many days and encouragement always. I looked forward to logging on on Tuesdays to find out what good word was in store. Unfortunately, for me, but fortunately for the sisters, they announced that they were called to give up their blog and start a new endeavor. Thus, their blog was shut down and no more Tuesday inspiration for me.
I kind of heard, God instructing me to start writing some weekly inspirations so that maybe other people could be inspired in the same way that I had been inspired by BlueTuesday. However, I ignored it. I was too busy, didn’t want to commit the time, didn’t think it would work out, etc. At the same time I also absolutely heard God tell me to trust Him. I ignored that, too. Figured that I would get around to that at some point and didn’t see the importance of doing it now. Well, as always, anytime you ignore God, He gets louder and your problems get real.
First, my second pregnancy sucked because I had hyperemesis again and was throwing up everything. I looked to God to get me through, but I really didn’t delve into trusting Him. Second, I decided with a second baby on the way, now was the right time to try to make more money and took on a new job search. On top of this, work had me on a hamster wheel, being a good wife, mother and daughter was a constant struggle (forget about being a good friend). I knew my body was telling me to slow down, I distinctly heard God tell me to get rest, but I kept going anyway. As you can guess, everything reached a boiling point and I.almost.lost.my.mind. When I say I almost lost my mind, I mean full blown panic attacks nightly, deciding if I should check myself into the hospital and weighing the option of getting in my car and driving away from it all. I was at the tippy top, pinnacle of the stress mountain. And it got to a point where during the week I just wanted to make it to Sunday so that I could go to church and hear some word from God.
Thank God Sunday came. But because God has a sense of humor, church was not just a simple run in and run out. I ended up going at 8:00 for the first service. However, I forgot that it was the anniversary service at church and that the service wouldn’t start until 9:30. So, I sat there until 9:30 and waited. And just like should happen at a black church I was there for four hours after that. But it was the best investment in four hours that I have ever made. While there, I slipped a note in the offering plate asking for prayer since I was struggling. I thought someone would get the note and pray for me. I was totally surprised when later that day, I had a deacon on my doorstep and in my family room praying with me. It was so comforting. Now, I’m not saying that praying with me solved everything, because I still had a semi-difficult night, but it was manageable because I knew the word of God she spoke to me was true. It was just the matter of me trusting that word and ultimately trusting God. So the next night, I went to the source and read my Bible and truly studied it. I interpreted it and processed it and really began to learn what it means to trust God. Trusting Him is the start of everything good and the end of everything bad. I read someone named George Mueller said the beginning of anxiety is the end of faith and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety. And that is so true. When you trust God, and you really know Him and you believe that He wants the best for you, He won’t let you fall even when the way is the slippery because He just loves you, and well, a transformation takes place. Peace comes and it doesn’t make sense, but it feels good.
So my advice to you, while I am still going through the storm and taking steps toward the trust I owe God daily, is to end the anxiety and fear and the evil thoughts that come your way with the knowledge that God loves you. You WILL AND CAN get through this. All it takes is trust to begin living your best life. Lose your trust in yourself to get through the crap and gain trust in God to handle everything. So, yeah, I nearly lost my mind, but as God works everything for the good of those He loves, I gained back my mind, spirit and life exponentially by trusting in Him.
Stop allowing yourself to be anxious and disturbed: and do not permit yourself to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled. -John 14:27
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and mind in Christ Jesus.- Philippians 4:6-7
Be blessed.